Snape's Strongest Memory
by CullenLove002
Summary: Did Snape ever once think of what Lily would have to say if she saw the way he treated her son for six years? If he could talk to her, what would she say to him? One Shot, occurs during the Order of the Phoenix.


**Since I read _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_ when it first came out, I've wondered how on earth Snape could have been so cruel to Harry when he was in love with his mother. Obviously he had reason to be upset, she married the man she hated, but I wondered what conclusion he would have come to if he had just stopped to think what Lily would say to him if she could see the way he was treating Harry. Usually when I think of how the conversation goes, it ends with him being a tad bit nicer. But because thats not what happens in the book, here's my little one shot of what happens when Snape does take a moment to consider what Lily would say, even subconsciously.**

**Snape's Strongest Memory;**

Severus Snape finished emptying the glass flasks into the dungeon sink, all of which were previously filled with his student's attempts to brew the Draught of Peace. He looked over his grading sheet quickly, scanning to see that everything was in order. The corners of his lips turned up into a smirk as his eyes roamed over Potter's zero credit mark for the day's work. He had thoroughly enjoyed his little game with the boy today, seeing how he was able to hit all the right nerves just as easily as he could brew the Draught of Peace himself.

Severus tucked his grading papers into the drawer of his desk and locked it with a wave of his wand. He carried his solitary candle through his office, past the large bookcase filled with potions ingredients, and through the door to his private quarters. He set the candle down on the table beside his large bed, and drew back the sheets. Silently, he readied himself for bed, thinking of the lesson he had planned for the first years the following day.

The potions master climbed into his four poster and blew out the candlelight. He began to run his fingers through the space under his pillow without thinking until it hit something thin with smooth edges. His mind snapped back to the present and he gently touched the small pieces of paper before pulling them out from their hiding place.

The contents of the first photograph were just visible in the moonlight shining in the small window at the top of the corner of the room, and Severus felt his heart seem to rise up to his throat. He saw himself as a young man staring back at himself, hair falling between his eyes nose looking larger than ever and grinning. But it wasn't his self that caused the lump in his throat, it was the red haired girl beside him, the girl with green eyes and a smile that could light up the world.

This picture had been taken by the great lake at the start of term their fifth year, the sun shining brightly and the last remnants of summer still showing in the scenery around them. Severus remembered that day very clearly – Lily's friend Mary had just acquired a camera that would develop moving pictures, and Lily had insisted that Mary take a picture of the two of them. She had given it to him as a Christmas gift along with an assortment of Honeyduke's finest and a new scarf, as his had gotten holes in it because of the moths that inhabited his home back in Spinner's End.

Severus flipped to the second photo, which was much more recent. Lily was _married_ by the time this photo had been taken. She stood leaning against a small stone wall in Godric's Hollow, with the town church in the background and a small glimpse of the graveyard. The sun was shining brightly in this one, too, showing off some of the blonde in her fiery hair. It was the May of 1980, according to the back of the photograph. One hand was placed gingerly over her stomach, which was covered by a flowy white fabric that hid the fact that her stomach was round (much to Severus' dislike, though the fabric made it easier to ignore), and the other was obscured by a burn mark that covered the entire second half of the picture. Unfortunately, the arm around Lily's shoulder was still visible, so the illusion was not perfect.

It wouldn't matter if Severus Snape didn't have these photographs, he would still be able to recall every detail of Lily Evans. He'd be able to tell you the exact octave and pitch of her laugh, the way her eyes crinkled when she was truly happy, or how her small freckles grew less noticeable throughout the fall and winter, but came back fully fledged in the summertime.

Her green eyes were crinkled around the edges in this photograph, proof that she was happy when it was being taken. Pain seared through his chest at the thought of her happiness with that man, and Severus opened his mouth to gasp for air and choke back a sob. Sadness quickly shifted to anger and he stuffed the photos back under his pillow. He punched the fluffiness and shoved his head into it, trying to block out the sound of her laugh that was ringing in his ears, trying not to see those eyes, so familiar... eyes that he had seen only just today...

_Enough_, he told himself. And with that, he forced himself to fall to sleep.

"Severus," a warm voice called.

Severus bolted upright immediately at the sound of that voice, his eyes scanning the space around him madly for the source of it. Oddly, he found himself outside the castle by the Black Lake, though he was still in his bed. The sun was shining brightly, and he could feel its rays warming his face. He looked toward the edge of the lake, where the voice had come from, and found what he was looking for sitting under the big tree just where the ripples made by the soft breeze were pushing.

Lily was sitting, cross legged, staring at him with a smile playing on her lips. Severus threw himself out of bed and walked quickly over to where she was sitting. His black cloak blew around him lightly, and his heart pounded in his chest as he neared her.

Severus plopped himself down next to Lily easily, remembering their old routine. He grinned at her like a schoolboy, though they were both obviously past the age limit for Hogwarts students – they were both adults, as if this were the present instead of very obviously the day in their fifth year beside the lake.

"Hey, Sev," she said, smiling at him warmly. However, he noticed that the warmth of her smile did not touch her eyes, and the crinkles he so loved were not there.

"What's wrong, Lily?" he asked immediately. Lily looked down at her hands, her smile fading and a sad look coming over her face. Severus moved closer and put his arm around her. "Come on, Lils, you can tell me,"

She looked back up at him, as if measuring his expression.

"He's my only son, Sev," she whispered.

Severus recoiled his arm slightly, placing his hand on the ground behind them rather than on her shoulder. His heart began to pound again and the lump in his throat grew. "What do you mean?" he asked, voice grumbling deeply.

"Harry," she whispered, and this time Severus withdrew his arm completely.

"What about him?" he snapped, wishing she wouldn't waste this precious time they had together by talking about Potter's son.

"He's not just James' son, Severus," she said clearly, as if reading his mind and forcing him to make eye contact with her. "He's my son too. You know that, thats why you agreed to help him."

Severus did not say anything. He looked down into his lap, glaring, half regretting not spending as much time as possible staring at her and half furious with her choice of topic.

"I've been watching, you know," she whispered wisely. "He's not what you make him out to be. But you know that, too, don't you Severus?" He still said nothing. "He's had to grow up without his parents, living with my awful sister – and we both know exactly what I mean by _awful_." she smiled at the joke and tried to make him look, but continued when he did not. "Harry never knew why he had to grow up without his family, and now that he's found out, he's been put in terrible situations."

"He deliberately goes looking for trouble, just like his father. He is a determined rule breaker."

"He may be a little over-ly curious," she conceded. Severus looked up at her, glaring in disbelief. "Oh, alright, he doesn't seem to be able to help himself. But that doesn't make him a terrible person, now does it, Sev? He was kept in the dark for eleven years. I think its only natural for him to want to go looking for answers now that the option is there for him."

"Why are we even talking about this?" Severus muttered.

"Because I need to remind you that he is _my son_, Sev. I've been watching you as I've been watching him, and I've seen the way you treat him." Severus' heart broke off at a high speed broom chase. Lily's voice was severe when she spoke again. "I want it to stop."

Severus looked up at his closest friend, his only love. "How can you ask that of me when you wouldn't even stay with me? You chose _him_."

Lily's face was sad again. "I wish I could make you feel better, because I've seen you suffering all these years, and tell you that I regret the choice I made. But I don't, Severus. I love him very much, and I love our son just as much, if not even more." she paused and sucked in a breath. Severus looked up at her and saw tears in her eyes. "I just wish I could have given him everything he deserved in life." she whispered.

"You gave up your life for his," Severus said, trying not to sound bitter, "I think thats good enough, don't you?"

Lily smiled, though it wasn't a happy smile. "If there's one thing I do regret, Severus, its not speaking to you before he came for us." Severus shuddered at the thought of the Dark Lord hunting her down. "Maybe if I had, you wouldn't have become a Death Eater. Maybe if I had, things would have ended differently," she sighed. Severus tried very hard not to let slip that it was his own fault that the Dark Lord had tracked her down, because then she would surly vanish in anger.

"But back to the matter at hand, Severus. I see the way you treat my son, despite your promise to keep him safe. You treat him worse than the dirt on your shoe. You berate him in classes in front of his friends and classmates for small misdemeanors that any student could make, you ignore the horrible comments and actions directed toward him and his friends from the other children in class, you constantly seek the maximum punishment for him, and you absolutely refuse to see that he is anything other than the son of the man you hated." Lily took another deep breath, then continued. "I would like for you to remember that he is also the son of the woman who was your best friend, the son of the woman who you loved,"

Severus stared back at Lily, her eyes boring into him as if they could see inside of his soul. He knew all of her accusations were true. He knew that she would leave him if he point blank refused, and that she would continue talking about things that hurt him if he argued. He hated to waste any time he had with Lily, because he would be one step closer to suicide for it later. He wanted to talk to her about all the little things that he'd never gotten a chance to, he wanted to talk to her about being Dumbledore's spy, about risking his life to retrieve information from the Dark Lord for the Order. And hopefully, toward the end of their conversation, he would be able to ask her what changes her life had taken after Hogwarts, things that might hurt him to know, but that festered in the back of his mind all the same. So slowly, Severus began to nod.

Lily closed her eyes and sighed, smiling. When she opened her eyes again, the familiar crinkle was back, and Severus grinned despite himself. "Thank you, Sev," she whispered, and leant over to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Lily," he breathed her name, happily letting it roll off his tongue. Severus wished that he could stay in that moment forever. He would be content to never ask a single question, to vent a single worry, if she would just stay here with him like this, with her head rested lightly on his shoulder and his arm around her, the sweet scent of her cherry blossom shampoo and the breeze coming from the lake...

The moment was shattered however, when Severus turned his head to look into her green eyes and Lily was no longer beside him. Startled, he whirled around. He spotted her about twenty feet away, smiling sadly at him.

"Lily?" He called, horrified that he hadn't noticed her move...

"I have to go, Sev," she whispered, but somehow her voice carried to his ears.

"No, wait! Wait, Lily!" Severus cried.

"I have to go back to him, Sev. He's waiting for me."

Blood boiled under Severus' skin, rushing toward his face. He clambered to his feet and began jogging toward Lily, "No, no, stay! Please stay, Lily, please!" But the closer he seemed to get, the further away Lily was. She was walking backward slowly, but he could not reach her. "_Lily!_" Severus realized that he was sobbing.

"Please be safe. Please watch over my son, please watch over Harry," she whispered, and her voice echoed across the grounds.

"NO!" All around him the world was turning black, the sun was no longer shining, and the castle was no longer in sight. But none of it mattered. Severus ran as fast a he could, black robes billowing behind him. "Lily! Lily, Stay! No, Lily, no!"

He could just make out her face now, she was crying softly, "Please," she whispered. The last note of her voice echoed in Severus' ears as she was enveloped by the darkness.

"_NO!_"

Severus Snape woke up to the sound of his own voice. He realized several things at once; First, he was sitting up, arms outstretched. Second, he was sweating as if he'd just run the perimeter of Hogwarts ten times. And third, he was crying.

"No," he whispered again to himself, as if saying it one more time would make the dream come back. Awake, he could see that his dream in no way could have been real. Lily was dead for one. But he couldn't shake the feeling that he had truly felt that he had been talking to Lily. The dream Lily had said and done all the things the real life Lily would have said and done, Severus imagined, even if she seemed sad. Although, she did have a good reason to be sad.

He mauled over their conversation in his head. After recalling every part of the dream he could, he found himself rather angry. Lily had only talked to him for the sake of Potter's son – or _her_ son, as she had tried to convince him. But as she'd left him, she'd said _he_ was waiting for her. Well she could go on being dead with her swine of a husband – that was where being married to James Potter had landed her. Dead.

The moment Severus thought the words, he regretted it. But the angry feeling did not subside. Lily was gone. Dead and gone with James Potter for nearly fourteen years now and there was nothing Severus could do to change that fact. He had sworn to Dumbledore to protect their son, that was the extent of it. He had promised no more than that. True, he'd just promised to the Lily in his dream that he would try to do much more than that – but it was just a dream for crying out loud. Severus lay his head back down on his pillow and glared up at the ceiling.

It was only a dream. Just a stupid dream that came from wishful thinking. That was the end of it. Lily couldn't come back and beg him to do anything, especially if she was going to leave so abruptly just to go back to her dead husband, Severus thought bitterly.

Settling the matter within his own head, the potions master rolled over onto his side, and went back to sleep.

**What do you guys think? Was it really some supernatural/magical occurrence where Lily is able to talk to Snape, or was it really just a dream? Please R&R, its always nice to get feedback :) **


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